Now ladies and gents of the press, I've got an announcement, I guess. Here's Mary - I'll marry Her soon - see she carries A sprog, which has caused us distress.
Last April, it was a full moon, We lay in a shelt'ring sand dune, A strange thing we saw Come down, like a sau- cer, and We heard a strange tune.
(Produces tape recorder which plays aA 5-note sequence.) (G, A, F, lower A, C.)
A photo I took of it too; It's here, see I'll show it to you. And then... Eh? You what? It surely is *not* A hub cap on sticks of bamboo!
And out of it came a strange bug- Eyed thing which gave Mary a drug, And dragged her away, 'Til early next day, When she came back, as nude as a slug.
I grabbed her, still wearing no socks, And took her along to the doc's. He checked her, a grunt As he looked up her cunt, "She's fine, still a virgin, no pox."
I got the old buffer to sign A paper declaring her fine, A virga intacta; Like, no man has facked her, See here, that's his sig on the line.
but soon, see, her belly's a swellin', And doubt in my mind was a-wellin', But nine months have passed, The kid's here at last... But that lads is all that I'm tellin'.
Yes fellers, this story's a fact. No questions now, one thing is lacked. My name it is Yusif, I want an exclusive, A five hundred K buck contract.
* * *
OK Ellen, now we're alone, It seems we got blood from a stone, The contract's been signed. Now, if you don't mind, Call Mary, twin sis on the phone...
And tell her, her brat's filled it's diaper, And Jesus, the scumbag smells riper, Than a month-long dead skunk, Then we must do a bunk, Before all those pressmen go hyper.
Last updated: Fri, 22 Dec 2000.