Though it's been over-long in gestation,
Here at last is the manifestation,
Of the great Kublai Khan,
And his huge pleasure barn,
That he built near to Charing Cross Station.

| For weeks I've been crying "oh, darn!
| I can't find a third rhyme for Khan."
| So I bent it askew
| Thus I only meed two,
| And don't need "harm", "calm", "balm", or "tarn."

In that mystical place, Xanadu,
Kublai Khan built a house built for two
Or three thousand or mores,
And he filled it with whores,
Girlie shows and movies so blue.

| Now I've started, it's starting to flow.
| Now it's running, it just wants to go.
| Chronologically weird?
| By my late sister's beard!
| This is Tiddy, not Shakespeare, you know.

So the Khan and his men had such fun,
(Kublai's favorite was dressed as a nun,)
They were fucking away,
For many a day,
Till the floors ran with whisky and come.

Then the cry came: "Beware! Mongol hordes!"
So they ran, barring windows and doors.
Said the Khan: "Lads, be bold!
Give 'em jewels and gold,
But they ain't getting hold of these whores."

But a horseman, they knew as old Alph,
Was shit-scared and feared for his health,
Out the back gate he rode,
In the Mongol horde strode,
And old Kublai was routed - not half.

| Now Coleridge, you may well recall,
| Talked of "Alph sacred river" and all.
| The dyslectic moron,
| Got the whole blamed score wrong,
| 'Twas scared rider Alph caused the fall.
 
So poor Kublai Khan was no more.
The barbarians had orgies galore,
But Xanadian girls
Can go many whirls,
And the warriors were soon on the floor.

And their fame still endures to this day.
So if you go down Charing Cross way,
And there ask a floosie:
"Wanna Xanadusie?"
I'm surprised if the hussy says nay.

Well, there I must end my oration.
My nurse is here with medication,
And if she wants a screw,
I'm sure I can do
My stuff with some more Vagaration.

Tiddy Ogg. [please correct me if the original was not by Coleridge.]

|| Now this is murse Emma to tell 
|| You that crazy old fool's shot to hell.
|| You can take it from me,
|| That his impotency,
|| Would need splints and a cast there as well.

|| The addled old fool's little song
|| Confuses Khan with Mandelson's
|| Millenium dome,
|| Thus the site for this poem,
|| Is a few thousand miles distant wrong.

Emma. 

another parody

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Last updated: Sun, 19 Sep 1999.