The shades of night are falling fast, The rain is falling faster, So come, Matilda, park your ass To listen to the master.[That's called self-delusion.]
In days of old when nights were cold A Woman called upon the king: "My kid spins hay bales into gold, She's yours for just a wedding ring."
The first reaction's inauspicious, The woman's stood there dressed in rag; The king he eyes her quite suspicious, Why ain't she rich then, silly hag.
He views the daughter, not impressed, Perhaps she ain't too bad when clean, But this skill I'd better test, Before I take her as my queen.
He takes her to the royal stable, With hay bales stacked upon the floor, "come on then, bitch, see if you're able, To do this rather simple chore.
"I'll send around my servant, Benny, Complete with Ronco (TM) spinning wheel, Then we'll have you spinning, Jenny, And see if you'll complete the deal."
So Benny heeds his master's calling, And finds her weeping, on a stool. "What's up honey? Stop your bawling, Take it easy, keep your cool."
She tells him that the task's beyond her; She can't make gold from dried-up grass. His eyes, though, o'er her figure wander, "You're sitting on your fortune, lass.
"So sell your body to the courtiers, And you'll have cash to pay the rent, Just follow what your daddy taught yers, And I'll just take fifteen per cent."
The king arrives a few days after, He finds gold coins stacked all around, His greedy face is wreathed with laughter, And very soon young jenny's crowned.
She lives her life thus, quite fulfilled A minor tax, Ben's agent's fee. And you can do the same Matilda, Ten per cent's enough for me.
***
First two lines stolen from A E Houseman, who stole the first from Longfellow.
Last updated: Wed, 1 Aug 2001.