Now "clerk", so said Webster, the berk, Should be, by the Yanks spoken "clurk." But Brits call it "clark", To rhyme well with "shark", So I'll say the word just as I lurk... er lark... er like.
Young Sybil, a town council clerk, One night came home long after dark, And said to her mother, "Old Mr Fairbrother, Kept me there to do extra work." (1)
Ma nodded and then she cried: "Sybil! It's no good to lie, any fib'll, Soon show, and by heck, Just look at your neck! Some lecher's been having a nibble! "
"Oh ma, it's that strange new librarian, He's Slovak or maybe Hungarian, And some of these nights When moonlight shines bright, He turns to a hairy barbarian.
"He tells me his real name is Vlad, And quite a career he has hadTo Whitby he flew From his home, swears it's true, No plane did he use. Is he mad?"
So Syb tells his tale with much sobbin', 'Cos Ma won't allow any fobbin', "He worked for the RAF, Then just for a laugh, Went thieving... He's batman and robbin'. (2)
"He now spent his leisure time clubbing, And changed his career choice to grubbing For rodents and pests, As one of the best his interests were ratman and pubbin'.
"He told me his real name was Vlad, And how he was terribly sad, And then" Sybil told her, "With head on my shoulder He gave me that bite there, real bad."
Next morning the mother does wake, Goes off to the butcher, Old Jake, She buys her some beef, Then the town hall; the chief Librarian's soon felled by that steak.
So that is the genwin account, Of Dracula, vampire-style count, No doubt what you've heard Is much more absurd, But with telling such errors do mount.
Young Sybil now wears a gold choker, She married a wizard at poker, Unlike the librarian, This stud she's a marrian, Oft covers her ace with his joker.
(1) If you're still objecting, here's the US version: Young Sybil, a town council clerk, Came late home one night, after work, And said "Sorry mother, That old crow Fairbrother, Done made me work late, the dumb jerk."
And for Brits: Young Sybil a town council clerk, Returned from work late after dark. She cried "Sorry mater, I'm home even later, I couldn't find no place to park."
(2) According to my dictionary a batman is a military underling. Traditionally he was the bloke who guided an aircraft into its hangar by waving semaphore signals with a couple of table tennis bats.
Last updated: Sun, 8 Oct 2000.