Now Lola, it's been quite a while,
Since we opened up Ogg's history file,
But now as a treat
While you nibble my meat,
I'll tell 'bout the source of the Nile.
Osiris, the god, had a bone,
From sex chats he'd had on the phone,
And thought: "None's as nice as
My young sister Isis;
There's nothing beats rolling your own."
"So brother, to ease your frustration,
(I've not got a taste for fellation,)
And ease your confusion,
The only solution,
Is, Ossie, to try masturbation."
So teams of 110,
Young ladies and pretty young men,
Grabbed hold of is cock,
And started to rock,
Back and forth, for an age, until when...
Erupted a stream, nay, a flood,
That turned arid sand into mud,
On Egypt's wide plains,
Where rarely it rains,
All gushing from Ossie's great pud.
The Nile thus created, my dear,
And lo, it floods twice every year,
(Thus reads the papyrus,)
It's down to Osiris,
's biannual wank, that is clear.
* * *
I've told you how Os made the Nile,
With ejaculate, squirted with style,
Then with sister/wife
The love of his life
Ruled Egypt, at least for a while.
But brother Set, jealous fella,
Was lurking around in a cellar,
With woodworking tools,
Planes, chisels, steel rules,
And a copy of Grimm's Cinderella...
Which gave inspiration, and trees
Were felled and carved up for his wheeze
To build him a thing,
That fitted the king
Like a glove, and would be sure to please.
A coffin it was, finely wrought,
Far better than one you'd have bought,
From any mortician,
On doubled commission,
And once more of Cinders gave thought.
He reckoned he'd hold a grand ball,
The gentry to come, one and all.
"And while they all rocks,
And sambas, this box
I'll unveil, and issue the call:
"Come now, every gal, every guy,
Come give this fine casket a try;
And if the thing fits,
You'll be thrilled to bits,
It's yours, free, no word of a lie."
So all them try, as he bid,
But you all know which one that it did
Fit snug as a bug
In a rug, so the mug
Got caught when Set slammed down the lid.
He carted it down to the stream,
(Created by Ossie's own cream,)
And let the box go
With the flow. Cries of woe
Were heard from sis Isis, the queen.
Thus Set set to rule there, instead,
He too taking Isis to bed,
But Set was no prize,
After Ossie's great size,
So out from the palace she'd tread.
She searched down the long Nile's edge,
And pledged that she'd dredge every ledge,
And yes, sure enough,
Though labourwas rough,
The casket she found midst the sedge.
She drags it home; by it she sits.
Set finds her, yells: "Bitch, you're the pits!"
And while she just gawps,
He grabs Ossie's corpse,
And thereupon tears it to bits.
Once more in the Nile's murky flow,
In pieces now, Ossie must go,
But Isis with nets
Goes fishing, and gets
Most all of him back, but he's no...
......genitalia. You may think that's rummy,
But a gull flock has filled up its tummy.
But the rest all fits right,
And he's bandaged up tight,
'cos Isis have made the first mummy.
You think, folks, this stuff is baloney,
That all I have spouted is phoney,
But it's all on the net,
You'll find it, I bet,
And the writer is not an Ogg crony.
http://www.touregypt.net/Osiriscu.htm
Sunday, December 30, 2001