One day Captain Ahab set sail,
To get once again on the trail,
O'er mountainous seas,
In hurricane breeze,
In search of Big Dick, the sperm whale.
(As Barbie would say: There ain't nothing dirty going on!)
A poor set of crew he has chose,
The lot of them landlubber Joes,
In gentlest swell,
You'd hear bo'sun yell,
As one rushed to the rail: "There she throws!"
The ship's called "The Star Of The East,"
She's 50 years old now at least,
She once traded cotton,
Her hull now is rotten,
Not fit to go hunting that beast.
The mate at the store cupboard door,
Hands soap out - one bar to each four,
And thus does he bawl:
"If trouble befall,
At least it may wash you ashore."
From Kingston-on-Hull north she goes,
Soon icicles hang from each nose,
Cries old seaman Staines:
This stuff sure ain't rain."
Says bo'sun "No lad, ther she snows!"
So onward, round Iceland she goes,
The steam in the boiler has froze,
The young cabin boy
Yells Icebergs ahoy!"
The bo'sun nods, "Aye, there bee floes."
This lad, though he started off coy,
When crewmen drink rum he'll enjoy
Their talk about dames.
The men love such games,
And Roger the young cabin boy.
At Greenland they stop for a spell,
In bar-rooms they really raise hell,
They're thrown in the slammer,
And there a bell's clamour
Is heard... that's the Eskimo knell.
Once more when afloat in that crate,
Poor Roger meets old Jonah's fate,
Advice he has spurned,
No lesson's been learned,
The fool's used himself as the bait.
He'd slipped on his wee bit of soap,
And though for the rail he did grope,
His grasp bore no fruit,
However, his boot
Got caught in an old pile of rope.
This tale's getting long now, for sure,
So 'fore all you folk start to snore,
I'll cut things down short:
They sail back to port,
And very soon all are ashore...
The whole crew? Well not altogether,
For there, while she's bulled through the weather,
Behind them they trail,
The bloody great whale,
And Rog on the end of his tether.
Although for poor Rog death was close,
He's freed, and as everyone knows,
Much time in the drink,
Makes you wrinkled and pink,
As the bo'sun said "Aye, there he glows."
The story of "The Star of the East" and the "Modern Jonah" which inspired at least some of
this can be found at
http://www.bbc.co.uk/education/beyond/factsheets/makhist_prog6d.shtml
The story of the Eskimo whose name is suggested in verse 8 can be found at nell.htm
Last updated: Wed, 30 Aug 2000.