At a mission in deepest Nigeria, 'Twas the job of the mother superior, To help Father Ted With his bath before bed, But one day summoned she an inferior...
... nun, and said to her: "Sister May, For the evening I'm going away. So it's you that must bath Our venerable fath- er, So here's what to do and to say:
"Just do, May whatever he tells yer, But in order to keep clear of hell yer, Must certainly not Look at that certain spot, 'Twixt the waist and the knees of that feller."
So on her return the next day, She said: "Come now, tell me young May, I hope that you ain't, Compromised our old saint." And May said "Most certainly nay!
"Once in the bath, Mother, he Put my hand where you said not to see, And he said `I have here, My innocent dear, A thing called the paradise key'.
" "And if that key were just to fit, My lock - which it did, every bit - That all would be fine, And that heaven was mine. I was saved from the fiery pit."
But the ma S regarded with scorn, This girl as they stood in the morn, "Heaven's key? But for years, He has made it quite clear, I've been blowing on Gabriel's horn."
Tiddy Ogg.
Last updated: Thu, 23 Sep 1999.