I bought me a big smart Mercedes,
With which to attract gorgeous ladies.
Did I reach heaven's gate,
When I went off with Kate?
Not likely. That car came from hades.

It's an old ploy to run out of gas,
But not on the Reading bypass,
Causing much ambulation,
To the nearest gas station,

And much wasted time with that lass.

Returning, I tried to inspire
That gal into waves of desire,
By telling sweet lies,
Praising hair, breasts and eyes...
But then damn! We got a flat tire.

The tyre was changed. I said "Good.
We'll go into that handy wood,
And there 'neath the trees,
We'll do as we please.
Come on, let us get in the mood."

I fondled her mammary glands.
She screamed"No! Just look at your hands.
Her blouse streaked with oil,
Took her clean off the boil,
She left me there, dumbstruck, and ran.

She got in my car then, the bitch,
Drove off and forced me then to hitch,
And reaching the end
Of my trek, on a bend,
I found my poor Merc in a ditch.

So now I've a Merc here for sale.
For pulling the birds it won't fail.
A fornicatorium,
And ladies adore-i-'em,
From now on i'm sticking to rail.

Tiddy.

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Last updated: Mon, 13 Sep 1999.