'Twas on the M3, round near Hook,
A glance at my speedo I took.
One hundred and nine
Eats the miles up fine;
But then in the mirror did look.

You've guessed; what appeared in my sight,
A white car, with flashing blue light.
Pulled into the kerb,
Preparing to burb-
le excuses  pathetic and trite.

The speed cop walked over to shoot
His spiel: `Guess you think that was cute.
Your licence?', and rash  (1)
I said: `There, in the dash,
With a gun, and you'll find in the boot...   (2)

`... The body of my wife, Eileen'   (3)
The rozzer turns yellow, then green.   (4)
He yells in his bleeper:
`Help, constable Dnieper!'
In no time there's scores on the scene.

They search; all is clear.  `It's all bleeding
Empty!; yells Dnieper, conceding.
He stands, face afire.
Says i: `He's a liar.
The next thing, he'll say I've been speeding.'



(1) That's driving licence, my poetic licence was revoked years ago.
(2) For Merkins boot=trunk
(3) Yes, you know her name's really Ermintrude, and due to (1) above, I must admit 
a slight untruth here.
(4)Rozzer - a member of Her Majesty's Constabulary, the finest body of men/women 
in the world.
(5)Idea for this stolen from Jethro.
(6) Sorry for all the footnotes, I've been reading too much Terry Pratchett.

more harmless nonsense

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Last updated: Tue, 22 Jan 2002.