Elizabeth Barrett Browning has waited all this time for a response to her maudlin dirge.
OK Liz, here we go...


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
There's doggy style, and 69 and in the public gaze,
While humping in my car as all the doggers stand and cheer,
And finding every orifice, yes even in your ear.
I love you in the pig sty, in the cornfield, on the bus,
And once in that department store, (which caused tremendous fuss.)
I loved you on the ski slope, in the swim pool, while sky diving;
At rock 'n' roll reunions while all around were jiving;
In boats and planes and hovercraft, andeven once in bed;
And driving on the motorway... and that's why we're both dead.