"Whatcha doin' up there in that bed?" Mama Hood one day shouted to Red, "Put down that vibrator, And take these potaters To Grannie, she's got to be fed."So Red tumbles out of her bunk. Having been on the gin she's quite drunk, But her car is a-waiting, So without hesitating, She throws the spud sack in the trunk.
So she's off in her Lotus Elite, And weaves her mad way down the street,But the road's swaying so, And the next thing we know, Alamp post she happens to meet.
So while she just sits there and sags, A cop car comes up the main drag. Out gets mister fuzz, And the way that he does, Says "Honey, blow into this bag."
But now she's recovered her wits, Pulls her bodice down, flashes her tits, "Let me off with a caution, And I'll give you a portion," Grabs his dick, "Yeah, I vet this thing fits."
So off she goes to the outback, To her granny's old tumbledown shack, On an erratic route, With the cop in pursuit, Till she stops and removes the old sack.
"That don't look like spuds in that stash," Says the cop. "Yes it is - Instant mash. Says Red, very canny, 'Cos she knows dear old granny, Is a dealer, and the sack's full of hash.
So Officer Wolf and young Red, Go inside, but there's no-one in bed. For granny's no fool, And keeping her cool, Out the vack door she has fled.
"Get your kit off then, big boy," says Red. "We'll have fun on old granny's big bed."... And after a space In Red's panties of lace, That cop like an eagle is spread.
Whilst high aboveup in the roof, A video camera gives proof, Of couplings lascivious, Which he thinks are so frivolous, Which will compromise Officer Wolf.
Now Red and her granny are fair, They give him a reasonable share, Of their profits illicit, But the threat is implicit... Bent coppers must act with due care.
So the moral: as usual, man's penis Seduced by the sweet mound of venus, From time beyond measure, For a few minutes pleasure, A gal makes a fool of a genius.
Now I stress That I'm just the reporter, In this saga of gran and grand daughter, And if you're offered hash For a wad of hard cash, I can only say you didn't oughta.
Tiddy Ogg.
Last updated: Thu, 23 Sep 1999.