Old Henry the Eighth was the king,
He got a new wife every spring,
And 'neath the green leaves
Composed that "Greensleeves",
The verses of wich he would sing.

His big brother Arthur said: "Kiddo,
I'm off to Spain".  That's what he did-o.
And being a paragon,
Wed Katherine of Aragon,
But died and left Henry his widow.

So wife 1 was Arrogant Kate,
Blondwe and blue-eyed, she was great
For 'bout 20 years,
Then it ended in tears,
Divorce was to be this one's fate.

He had the odd mistress, meantimes,
For whom he'd compose Greensleeve rhymes,
I have several here,
Folks tell me I fear,
They're fakes and theyre not worth a dime.

     I met my love at the hardware store,
     Selling nails and washers and cycle lamps,
     I asked her for a good long screw,
     But all that she gave me were green stamps.

	'Twas damp and cold in the attic room,
	Where lived Miranda, beneath the eaves,
	She had no hankie to wipe her nose,
	So she left green trails on her blouse sleeves.

So number 2's annie Boleyn,
She played hard to get, to get in,
Cared not what she said,
So quite soon her head
Fell into the recycle bin.
As Henry said: "She was a bitch,
I framed her, claimed she had an itch
For her own brother Georgie,
With whom she had orgies.
A fine reason for her to ditch.

The next one was Janey Seymourses,
This one isn't one of those whoreses,
She gave him a son,
'Twas his only one,
Then dropped dead of natural causes.

As Henry tells it:
"Now Jane and me had quite a fright,
When Anne found us two in a slight
Bit of fellation,
A simple flirtation,
No wonder Anne's head soon took flight."	


So wife number 4's Anne of Cleves,
A mail-order bride, I believes,
But when they were wed,
They ne'er went to bed,
And she too, was soon asked to leave.

Kate howard was chose to be next:
But her extra-marital sex
Caused her head to drop,
When she got the chop...
I think with her Henry was vexed.

The last one was Catherine Parr,
She had her affairs but cooed "Dar-
ling Henry, you're great,
I love all your eight..."
And so she outlived him by far.


To recap then, here are their names:
Katie A, Anne B and Jane,
Then came Annie C,
Katie H, Katie P,
And that was the end of his reign.


I hope you have sympathy for
Our Henry, just note that the poor
Man's life was sheer hell;
I've shown you quite well,
The bloke had six mothers-in-law.

Here's a schoolboy account in prose.

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Last updated: Sun, 30 Apr 2000.