In times fairly recent you'll find there are lots
Of tales about fights between Irish and Scots,
And most have been savage and violent and cruel,
But The first was this legend of two giants' duel.

This Irish bloke, Finn, once decided that he
Would go visit Scotland, away 'cross the sea.
He built him a causeway of huge basalt rocks,
And strolled across wearing his pink nylon socks.

And what did he find there but Scots giant, Benny,
Who thought this intrusion was just one too many,
And ere Ben had had bare a glimpse Finn now fled,
Back home to his wife and jumped into his bed.

And said: "Wife you gotta pretend you're my mummy,
And dress me in diapers , and give me a dummy,
For soon some mad highlander in sporran and kilt,
Will get here, and like a brick mountain he's built."

And so enters Ben, with a huge tree trunk club,
Having first drunk a cask of Bush Mills from the pub,
And hollers expectedly "Fee Fi Fum Fo!
Hey woman, Tell whither'd that Finn feller go?"

Said she: "Sir, he's out, ridding Ireland of snakes,
And Finn from his cake-hole the dummy now takes,
And wails loud as ever his lungs will allow.
Says wife: "I must go milk a whole herd of cows.

"So please, sir, won't you stay with my babe.  Take a seat,
And pick him up, rock him and keep the brat sweet
I've got to build up that there pathetic excuse
Of a child with  a 10 gallon dose of that juice."

Now Benny's not slow where his safety's concerned,
So once to the "baby" in bed he has turned,
He thinks: "If that monster's his babe, then the lad
Must be taller by half than Ben Nevis, my dad."

And says: "Sorry missus, I can't stand that bawl."
And executes forthwith a rapid withdrawal,
So Finn gurgled, burped, and then had a good laugh,
And Benny went Back to his home, Finkel's Caff.

See the Wiki if you don't believe me.

Bush Mills is a brand of Irish Whiskey.

More folk tales.

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007