Once upon, says the fable, a time... What a start!Such word-mangling's a crime. Three billygoats gruff This prince thought too rough, And their offer of sex he declined.
Now wasn't that first verse pure crap? You surely must think me a sap. But to get to the point, Yon prince wants to anoint His dong in some peasant girl's lap.
He's sick of those well-to-do bints, They complain about goo on the chintz. So with palette and brush, He goes out in the bush, As the artist - once known as Prince.
As he wanders down by the mill stream, There's a dolly, all peaches and cream, Whom he quickly approaches, And the subject he broaches, Of her modelling nude, on the green.
But although she would much like to play, Her father soon calls her away, Being older and wiser, And a bit of a miser, He reckons the painter won't pay...
... For this beauty, for she is his prize. He's two others, and often supplies Them to fellows round town, For five bucks they'll lie down, And willingly open their thighs.
But this one, young Cindy's a virgin, For whom many peckers would burgeon. So he keeps her price high, And though many blokes try, That pimp won't give in to their urgin'.
(Rhyming virgin with urgin's a bore, Many people have done it before, But apart from encour'gin' And sturgeon and purgin' The choices one has are so poor.)
Though his true love our Princey has found, There is plenty more crumpet around, So he has a fine spree, In the next day or three, As he fucks himself into the ground.
Now infested with crabs and with lice, His adventure he rates pretty nice. By the quack he's inspected, And soon disinfected... But of Cindy he still wants a slice.
His habits you may think immoral,
He sure doesn't practice withdrawal, His red headed dwarf is In many an orifice, But his main predilection is oral.
(The prince here interrupts...)
I'm the pillar of highest society, I act with the greatest propriety, And at church, in the pews, Where other folk snooze, I'm alert, yes, a model of piety.
(Return to the narrator.)
Doesn't he talk utter tosh, He thinks that because he talks posh, We'll think he's real slick, But he's just a dumb prick, All that stuff there a hog wouldn't wash.
So his faithful old butler he calls, And says "Serf, prepare the grand hall. All the totty invite, And from them I just might, A chick fit to hold royal balls."
At the hop he soon spies Cindy's sisters. "Christ, they're foul. God I'd rather have blisters!" Then Cindy he spies, Feels a throb 'twixt his thighs, And in only five minutes he's kissed 'er.
All that tripe about rats, mice, and pumpkins, Put about by your old country bumpkins, As an early squash ad, Which failed and so sad- ly their produce they all had to dumpkins.
True, she fled at the end of the dance, And he hadn't got into her pants, But there on the floor, By the still swinging door, Some dentures the prince found by chance.
I can hear you say "Ogg's round the twist. He's obviously quite lost the gist." But I've done my researches In castles and churches, And found what the others all missed.
So our princey's lost interest in tits, And the other erogenous bits, As he hunts north and south, In a search for the mouth, That the cheap plastic denture set fits.
So accompanied by several coppers, Distributing candy gob-stoppers, he tramps his domain, Slowly turning insane, Examining every tart's choppers.
I hope that this excess verbosity, Will serve to increase curiosity, As to the denouement, But between you and me-ment, I really could not give a tossity.
If you think that I've run to excess, And remorse fulness I should express, Well I saythis: hard cheese! I can't you all please. But now to the climax I'll press.
The prince now is getting so randy, That his legs are going all bandy, From the weight of his dong, As he hobbles along, But at last he does meet fair Miss Candy.
Of Cindy at first I did write, But don't you go getting uptight. You can just blame a typo, And it's all very hypo- thetical which one is right.
The teeth fit. The prince is quite smitten. "Take them out again now, my sweet kitten. We'll go home to bed, Then when you give me head, There's no chance of me getting bitten."
Tiddy.
Last updated: Thu, 23 Sep 1999.