"Come, Watson, man," Sherlock holmes calls. "Get your head up, let go of my balls. We've each had good head, Now get out of bed, We're going to Baskerville Hall."for "since the old lord went and had his spill Off his horse last week sweet Lady Baskerville, Has been so frustrated, And has not hesitated, To grab any cock that will give-a-thrill."
On the train they set off bound for Devonshire, On the quest for some sport, be it straight-or-queer. And they both raised their caps, Which they'd put in their laps, When any young lady came halfway-near.
When they got off at Okehampton Junction, The ticket-man bowed with great unction, So they tipped him a note, Grabbed the man by the scrote, And performed an unnatural function.
At the mansion, the lady's maid, Hannah, Was greeting them in formal manner, When Holmes zipped his fly, And she did espy, That sex-crazed sleuth's scar-spangled banner.
They stood 'fore the door, which was yellow, And Sherlock murmured quite mellow, (Now you all know the joke, So be ye upspoke,) "A lemon entry, Watson, dear fellow!"
"Where's your mistress, girl," Watson now cried, The moment they all got inside. "IN her chamber, kind sir." "OK Holmes, I'll find her, While you take this lass for a ride."
So Holmes took himself to the pantry, (pronounced pentary as in S Africa.) And surrounded by jars condimentary, He boffed all the maids, and between, made quick raids, On the food stocks, "It's quite alimentary!"
When he'd finished, he searched out Lord B. Who'd a bag where his willy should be. "Since I had that damned fall, I've been no good at all In bed, Holmes, and that is the mystery.
"What's keeping my wife satisfied, Now this todger of mine has gone, died? With your sleuthing powers In a couple of hours, You should sort out what 's me mystified."
"With that, Lord, I have to concur. I'll make notes, and to them I'll refer. From the names I will whit- tle down those that don't fit... It's eliminatory, sir. "
"There's a photo I'd like you to see," Said Watson,"Of our Lady B." Said Holmes, "She's high class, But look at that ass... It's quite elephantory, see."
"Now this problem I feel I must ponder. So we'll go to that whore-house down yonder. For a quim, juicy, pink, Helps a fellow to think. There's nothing of which I am fonder."
So Sherlock went boffing a whore. He worked till yhis *brain* was so sore. "It's no good, I'm through. I've not got a clue." So he paid up and limped to the door.
"But Holmes, I've not said what I found, When I met Lady B, it astound- ed me, but her muff, Was in use right enough, In the grip of an Irish wolfhound."
"oh watson, but I should have known! Last night when I gave her a bone. I caught me some fleas, Canine type, if you please. I must be as dense as a stone."
"If you study the flea-dirt you can, With a microscope get a good scan, And this bit of bug shit Is the answer to it, It's quite sedimentary, old man."
I admit here that Lawrence and Doyle, Have lent me some aid in this toil, But they'd rant and they'd rave, And spin fast in the grave, If they learn of the way that their works I spoil.
Last updated: Tue, 21 Sep 1999.