Note to Merkins and those geographically challenged: Arbroath is a Scottish town famed only for its smoked herrings. A dragon sleeps under the beobab tree. He whispered to me as I strolled: "My magic can send you away 'cross the sea, To a land where it's damp and it's cold." Well, being a pygmy from desert-like land, In climate most arid and dry, I thought that proposal exceedingly grand, And thus simply queried: "Can I... "...Take my sweetheart, Flo, from the same Qooqa clan As I, on a honeymoon flight?" He grumbled, blew smoke from his nose, said "You can, But never come back here. All right?" Of course I agreed, came back the next day, With Flo to the beobab tree. We climbed it, a huge gust of wind blew away We two, to that land o'er the sea. We fell to the ground in a city of domes, And palaces, whereon we both Were greeted by people who came from their homes, And welcomed us two to Arbroath. We walked through the town eating peaches and cream To the park with its poplars and limes, And heard of the fame of its great football team, That won the world cup several times. We rode the funfair with its swings and big dipper, As treats of the folk of the town, And heard of the mythical fish called the kipper, In hunting which, many had drowned. So much overwhelmed by their welcome was I, A promise I made, and would keep. I told them I'd catch, even though I might die, That magical myth of the deep. And so in my quest for that fabulous beast We hired an Airbus 3-80; Set off on a course about south by south east, Found the dragon, and hollered: "Hey matey! "Can you, with your magical powers, old son, Please help the good folk of Arbroath?" Then paused, for I saw that he thought this no fun; He glared and blew smoke at us both. "You're puny of body and puny of brain, And chose to ignore stanza 3. You failed to adhere to conditions wrote plain, And thus now it never will be. "That glorious city has lost now its fame, And is but a locale most drear, Their soccer team rarely now win any game, And kippers come out of their ears. "You're both a disgrace to the fine QooQa tribe, I'm truly ashamed of you both." And as he blew flames at us, added the jibe: "Two mini QooQs spoiled Arbroath."
Wednesday, July 23, 2003