I stood before the vicar on one morning in October,
He swayed there on the altar step about a quarter sober.
With eyes, unfocused, bleary, round the edifice he gazed,
The left was glassy, the right one too, yes, he was double glazed.

Then suddenly he stiffened, smiled, at who had come inside,
I took a glance o'er shoulder, yes, 'twas shee, my lovely bride.
She came and stood beside me, and she took my trembling hand,
While the organ played that old refrain: "Let's all go down the strand."...

Or maybe the Wedding March, or even Bach's Toccata,
There were so many notes mis-keyed, it really doesn't mata.
But finally there's  silence, and the vicar clears his throat,
But now he's lost his prayer book and he fumbles in his coat.

At last amid the dog ends in his cassock's folds' discovered
The tome he seeks , and in boice slurred pronounces: "Dear belovered,
If I can find the right page... Yes, I think that's it... Now  can, wee
Hitch Aristides Oggopoulos to Ermintrude Myfanwe.

"Do you then, Ogg, take this fair maid... you are a lucky bugger,
To have and hold and Grapple like two wrestlers playing rugger?
Well if you don't, then what the devil are we doing here,
We could be down the Skinners Arms enjoying us a pint of beer?

"I'll take that, son, as read," says he, and turns to face my dear:
"D'you want this bum?" says he, (I nearly punched him in the ear,)
But she concurred, Says he "what God hath joined, none shall release,
Let no man push his Honda, now Ogg go and hold your piece.

"But firstwe got to sort this fiddly business of the ring.
Now poke it on her pinkie, and we'll get the folks to sing,
'Bout Love Divine, Jerusalem, and peril on the sea,
Then P'raps Roll Out The Barrel, and we'll get home for tea."

I kissed the bride, and he'd have too, if I had not been quicker,
And rushed her up the aisle as speedy as an eyelid's flicker.
The last I saw he's grabbed a bottle of the altar wine,
But cared I not, at last the lovely Ermintrude was mine.

More approximations of Ogg life.

This earlier version from a few years back I like better

main list.

Sunday, October 21, 2007