October 1968.



"When I hear that wedding march from Lohengrin,
Then I know somebody's future's looking grim.
Weddings make me sad,
But if you're not the groom it's not so bad."

        * * *
    

Back 36 years and I stood there in church,
The organ was wailing, my heart gave a lurch,
And then something white-clad was there at my side.
It wasn't a sheep but my radiant bride

"Will you there, Aristides Cuthbert O'Garron,
Take this fair maid, Ermintrude Xanthippe Sharon,   (1)
As wife, and obey when she lays down the law,
And grovel and never admit she's one flaw?"
Then whispered Bill Grommet, who stood at my side
"Will Saints win at Arsenal?" I naturally cried:  (2)
"Aye, Will" Then the parson he turned to my dear,
"And whispered the following into her ear:And Ermintrude Sharon, will you take this bum,
To keep fed and watered and under your thumb,
And teach him the pleasures of chores in the house,
And use female wiles to turn man into mouse?"

And then he droned on, "Let no man put asunder..."
It's hell and damnation if I've made a blunder.

Though relatives said it'll all end in tears,
We've bumbled along now these thirty six years,
And if she don't catch me with Barbie, the ewe,
We ought to clock up several more than a few.

        * * *
    
"So don't forget folks,
That's what you get folks,
For making whoopee."
        =====

Top and tail verses from: Making Whoopee, by Gus Kahn and Walter Donaldson.\\\

If you don't know the amusingly misogynistic song, lyrics can be found here:...

(1) You may notice the slight inaccuracy in the names. The vicar was never very good with such things. For heaven's sake, what parents would name their daughter "Sharon".

(2) Referring to a football (soccer) match. Erm maintains to this day that she thought she was going to watch this match, but why she wore an all-white strip when our teams colours are red and white is a mystery.