"Oy! Mirror what 'angs on the wall!
Say who is the fairest of all;
Who's gentle and kind,
And truly refined.
You're smashed if you make the wrong call."

Now mirrors that talk are quite rare,
And children, that wasn't one there;
Just vent artist Mike,   (ventriloquist)
Who'd say what she liked,
To otherwise do he'd not dare.

But life in that mirror-backed cell,
Was getting to feel like a hell.
He'd been at the scotch,
And this day he'll botch
The job, when she asks him he'll yell...

"It ain't you, you warty old hog!
The fairest is Ermintrude Ogg.
There ain't no lass cuter;
She's fitted with hooters
That make boys jack off in the bog."

(In vino veritas as some old foreiggn bugger once said.)*

So, what happens next?  The old bitch
Trolls out for to find her a witch,
To conjure a spell
Giving Ermintrude hell...
It worked with no hint of a hitch.

She couldn't change Trudi's angelity,
So cursed her instead with fidelity**
To husband so hideous,
One Oggius Tiddeus***
Who rendered her life utter hellity.

*bog = 1950s Brit schoolboy slang for crapper. crapper = Brit slang for what Merkins call a john, after sanitary engineer Joseph Crapper whose name was displayed in bathrooms nationwide. John = after Scottish sanitary engineer who exported his product to the US.

** As far as I know.

***Acknowledgements to Peter W who once penned a double dactyl commencing: Hideous Tiddius Oggimus Minimus...