That old paedophile Lewis Carroll, Was sitting one day on a barrel. Of course, on his knee Was young Alice, and he Had his hand in her skimpy apparel.He said: "Now, you might think this funny, In my pants here I've got a white bunny." How long will it take, Thought the old reprobate, To get that thing into her cunny.
'Neath her knickers his old fingers stole, Most expertly seeking their goal, "Ah, alice," said he, "Right here now, I see, A suitable bunny sized hole."
He opened his zip and said: "Lo! Look at what I have here, don't you know, Not a rabbit at all, But a mushroom quite small, If you nibble, you might make it grow."
The above, as you see very well, Is the root of the tale he did tell, When it came to his trial, For abuse of the child, Which kept himself out of a cell.
For although he was mad as a hatter, Through this interminable chatter, About teapots and mice, He covered his vice, And Alice's claims did not matter...
The jury found they could not keep Alert, and they all fell asleep, While the judge, on his throne, Was getting a bone, At the thought of that nymphette, the creep.
At the end of this marathon plea, The judge said "It seems, sir, to me, I will let you go quite, If you think that you might, Persuade her to sit on *my* knee.
So Alice, who quite knew the score, Said "'Twill cost you five quid, maybe more, And I want a rake- Off of all that he'll make Out of selling his fake fairy stor(y).
In time Alice got very grand, The richest whore in all the land, And like that queen, red, She loved to give head, While the pounds mounted up in her hand.
Tiddy.
Last updated: Mon, 20 Sep 1999.